The 13 Clocks

The 13 Clocks by James Thurber

Source of Miscellany: This was a gift from my twelfth grade English teacher, who has known me since I was two.  As you can imagine there are pros and cons to this situation.  On the negative side, she thought nothing of announcing to the class that I used to chase her cats.  But I can’t thank her enough for telling me where to go to college.  At the time she said  something to the effect of, “Years ago, I told your mother to take the job she has now.  I knew what’s best for her, and I know what’s best for you.”  She was quite right.

Why this book? I very recently finished reading this aloud to my third grade.  Now that the spring wiggles are upon them I threaten to feed them to the geese with some regularity.  Only a few have been threatened with the Todal.

“Everybody has always wanted to love a Princess.
Everybody has always wanted to be a Prince.
Everybody has always wanted the wicked Duke to be punished.
Everybody has always wanted to live happily ever after.”

This is a book for lovers of words. I searched for a quote to show you exactly how pleasing it is to read. I would have to retype the book, truly so I settled on the above teaser. It’s a fairy tale to its core, with a princess, an evil duke, a prince, hidden identity, magical elements mixed with the mundane and yet the pure poetry of it makes it so much more. But although the vocabulary is perfection, it is also really, really, hard.  When I read it aloud I preserve almost all that I can because the sound of the words is such a large part of the experience, but I definitely changed some words to make it easier for my audience to understand.  Put enough feeling into it though and they’ll get most of it!

And if you don’t trust me, you can always choose to believe Neil Gaiman who says “It’s certainly the most fun that anybody can have reading anything aloud.”  The copy currently available on Amazon even has a foreword by Gaiman, which frankly should be enough to push some of you into reading it.

PC FAIL: The Duke is evil and walks with a limp and is missing an eye.  The eye thing is his own fault, but the decision to portray evil in a physically damaged package is not at all the thing anymore.  Saralinda is pretty, seriously pretty,  also serene.  But I can’t say she’s terribly clever and she’s only marginally helpful.  She’s a goal to be attained, a prize to be won.  But the story is not really hers, it’s the minstrel’s, so I don’t mind her useless beauty as much as I do in cases where the girl is constantly in scene.

Sex, Nudity, Dating – Of course there is a princess who has many suitors, including the Duke.  There’s one line where a toy ball winks and twinkles like a naked child saluting priests.  Read it as you will.  When Saralinda was a baby she shone like a star on her mother’s breast.
Profanity – None.
Death, Violence and Gore – There is an evil Duke, the book would be nothing without him.  He likes to tear the wings off nightingales and lines his gloves with the fur of kittens.  He greatly enjoys mauling animals and was once mauled in return.  Furthermore, the Duke feeds people to the geese.  It is a matter of great pride with him that he slew time and wiped his bloody blade upon its beard.  Quite frequently there is concern that one will be slit from one’s guggle to one’s zatch.  There is something icky in the dungeon that has no head.  And then there is the Todal, an agent of the devil who is made of lip and moves like monkeys and shadows.  A King gets his foot caught in a bear trap, but he’s fine.  In efforts to make a woman cry, people tell her of dead maidens, babies lost in woods and lost on mountains and other things which are not nearly so sad.
Drugs, Alcohol and Smoking – Only some implied use as revelers reel and stagger home from taverns.
Frightening or Intense Things – There is a very creepy looking thing that’s like a hand and also like a miniature person that runs through the room.  Icky.  There are also some children who died, but they are mentioned so briefly you barely have time to notice.