Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List

Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List by Rachel Cohn and David Levithan

Having read and thoroughly enjoyed Dash and Lily’s Book of Dares I was excited to pick up Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List.  I expected more of the winning formula of intelligent quirky teenagers enjoy the fabulousness that is New York.  I was terribly, terribly mistaken.

In my mind, one of the strengths of Naomi & Ely is that nearly every character has a chapter told from his or her perspective.  Some will find this annoying or confusing, but I really appreciated getting to know to the other characters better.  Because I cannot stand Naomi. She is the very first narrator we meet which means the book has a very inauspicious beginning.  Her writing looks like someone with extreme keyboarding issues because she frequently uses wingding symbols in lieu of words.  While I’m sure some teens will find this darling, others will likely be as annoyed as I was, because often enough the choice to use symbols means I have no idea what she is talking about.  I never thought I’d say this, but I think I’d prefer text speak.  At least I’ve caught on to most acronyms by now.  But the real issue isn’t Naomi’s refusal to write like a real person.  It’s that she’s incredibly difficult to like.  She’s selfish, which is true of a lot of teens, so I suppose I can’t lay all the blame there.  She’s a liar, but not in a way that gives her depth or interest.  And of course, she’s incredibly hot.  So hot men just can’t keep their minds off her or their hands off themselves.  Everything about her is hot, her body, her hair.  And she uses this incredible hotness to manipulate people.  I’m not saying that hot girls don’t do that.  I’m just saying hot girls that do that aren’t the most relatable characters out there.  She doesn’t exactly improve once you get to know her either. You eventually pick up on the fact that she is also a bitch, vindictive, not actually smart (she’s failing out of school) and has no taste in music (no really, not just BAD taste, just isn’t really into it).  The only aspect of her life that I found at all interesting was that she’s in love with her gay best friend.  Because that’s something that girls actually go through.  I would wager it’s usually not smoking hot girls who can get any guy in the universe (although I do see the whole he’s-the-only-guy-you-can’t-have appeal). I would guess it’s far more likely to be girls who are overlooked and undervalued by their love interests who fall for their gay friends who do actually make them feel special and loved.  That’s sort of beside the point though.  I did find Ely vaguely more likable although he is also spoiled and selfish and a drama queen.

In addition to having not particularly likable characters, this book just oozes drama.  I’m fairly certain that once, about a million years ago, I lived a life that had its fair share of drama while being friends with people who had more than their fair share of drama.  But because of this, I would place this as a YA book that won’t go over well with adults and is much better suited for a purely teen audience.

Also, I know Buffy the Vampire Slayer has been off the air for-ever, but there are spoilers in here.  Just in case you needed to know that.

The general New York vibe of this was not as fabulous as I’d hoped either.  Oh sure, there are NY moments (mainly the decent descriptions of Washington Square Park and the relentless number of Starbucks within a given area) but it’s not as New York-y as I’d hoped.

Great for: Lovers of dra-ma! Some teens will revel in the soap opera level of relationship issues.  Others will be so grateful for another decent entry in the world of LGBT novels.  There’s a gay love story – one of the more likable aspects of the book and there is the very real issue of a girl being in love with her gay BFF.  These topics aren’t always easy to come by, so some readers will be grateful for them where they can find them.

Sex, Nudity, Dating – There’s no actual on-stage sex in this book, but it’s certainly sexual.  We know certain characters want to have sex or do have sex or haven’t had sex.  Masturbation, both male and female is mentioned multiple times, including what does and doesn’t make for good masturbation material (evidently people who aren’t attracted to you sexually? Not good.  Porn?  Good.)  There’s a symbol Naomi uses that makes you think 69 but in fact that’s not what she means by it, honest, we’re told later.  Two boys kiss (and get to third base -although this is not described, we’re honestly told third base).  A boy has lesbian moms.  A gay boy makes out with a straight girl platonically (I know.  I know.)  A boy shows a bouncer his penis.  A guy wants to write his number on another guys penis in sharpie.  Boners and woodys and other euphemisms for erection are used.  A guy got pierced in private places.  They go to see men go-go dance.  There’s a porno called Mount Fuckmore.  There’s a fairly wide variety of lgbt characters from a diva, super into clothes boy to a just figuring out his sexuality guy who’s pretty masculine to lesbian moms who may have once been involved with men to a F2M transitioning character to drag queens.
Profanity – “Christ,” “shit,” “ass,” “bitch,” “darn,” “asshole,” “damn,” “sucks,” “cockblock,” “bastard,” “buggery,” “bollocks,” ” pussy teasing faggot,”
Death, Violence and Gore – None.
Drugs, Alcohol and Smoking – Most characters drink despite being underage.  Champagne and brandy are among the alcoholic beverages mentioned.  There is a fair amount of marijuana use, with bongs mentioned, one character dealing drugs, and people getting baked.  There’s a mention of a drug rap for shrooms and meth is also mentioned.  Multiple people use sleeping pills, some recreationally.
Frightening or Intense Things – None.