I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have to Kill You

I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have to Kill You

Cammie Morgan goes to a very exclusive all-girls school. But it’s not the rich girl’s academy that it appears to be.  It’s a training ground for spies.  Unfortunately all that time learning foreign languages and learning self-defense didn’t prepare them for a subject most teenage girls are experts about: boys.  When Cameron accidentally meets a cute boy while in the middle of a training mission, her friends mobilize.  Is their spy training good enough that Cammie can pass for a normal girl and actually stand a chance with Josh?

I’d Tell You I Love You, But Then I’d Have to Kill You is a light bit of fluff.  The relationship parts fell a bit flat for me.  I think they’d go over better with a tween or young teen crowd; girls with more relationship experience might not be all that interested in Cammie’s exploits.  While I enjoyed the spy school sections more, they felt a bit unfinished. While I realize this is the first in a series, there were just many aspects of the spy training that I thought would be developed more and play into the plot.  I was really disappointed that there wasn’t more intrigue.  The whole book just felt safe, from the romance to the espionage.  I wanted more twists and tension.

Great for: This is one book where the girls can take care of themselves!  I’m always a fan of books where girls are strong characters.  I would definitely recommend this for tweens and teens looking for a light read.  I haven’t continued the series, so I can’t say if there’s anything more objectionable on the sex front in the subsequent books.

Sex, Nudity, Dating – Her mother is a hottie that men drool over.  There’s a rumor that Macey got pregnant with her last headmaster’s baby.  Someone asks a girl if she’s gotten to second base yet.  Characters are described as sexy, hot, cute.  Cleavage is mentioned.  A character is considered as a possible “honeypot.” Girls wear push-up bras.  There is a romance that involves kissing and handholding. Two adult characters go to a dance.
Profanity – “damn,” “bloody,” “b—-” the “b word” is not spelled out, it is printed as shown, with the dash,
Death, Violence and Gore – Well, it is a spy school, so you can expect your basic number of weapons and combat incidents.  There’s a threat to kill right in the title!  It’s not particularly scary though. A newbie is on fire.  A professor might be wanted by gun smugglers.  They talk about who killed JFK.  They wonder if someone killed a Turkish ambassador.  The girls want to learn firearms.  A teacher points out that many spies are killed, some are buried.  He stresses that some spies aren’t even lucky enough to be buried.  A parent of one of the students died while on a spy mission.  A teacher once took out a Nazi-machine gun.  A few character mention previous broken arms.  A seventh grader is kicked and rendered unconscious.  In a fight, an arm is twisted and a nose ring pulled.  In class the girls are shown a picture of the bloodied face of a spy who got caught.  There’s mention of torture.  A spy once disabled a nuclear device.  There’s a joke about axe murderers.  Killing someone in his or her sleep is mentioned. A boy claims a scar is from a knife fight.  The girls know how to literally claw someone’s eyes out. A girl’s father is missing while on a mission. A crowd of boys intimidates a girl.  Various other weapons mentioned include: minefields, nuclear warheads, swords, stun guns, poisonous darts.
Drugs, Alcohol and Smoking – There’s a reference to big tobacco.  One girl smokes (she is told not to smoke by other girls).  A possible mission includes busting a drug ring another refers to finding out if someone’s parent drinks. A boy says a barn dance is an excuse for “everyone to get drunk.” The students may have drugged the medication of a guard.
Frightening or Intense Things – There aren’t really even any very suspenseful moments in the book.  Very harmless considering the subject.

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